Building bridges.
In this day and age of TikTok hot takes and virtue signalling, ‘feminism’ is a word tossed around almost too casually. From ‘sigma male’ podcasters extrapolating about the medusa-like ‘feminists’ who (gasp) have opinions, to ‘older sister’ figures posting tutorials on entering your ‘divine feminine era’, the internet has become a minefield of opinions. Every statement warrants an immediate reaction – the more inflamed, the better.
When so much of the discussion on feminism takes place in an online echo chamber (where moral purity is the norm and definitions lack nuance), it’s worth gathering in person to take stock of the reality of things. So, I jumped at the opportunity to attend an up-close-and-personal community conversation with Charu Kokate, the architect behind iconic fixtures in Singapore’s skyline, such as Changi Airport, Marina Bay Sands and the ArtScience Museum. With decades of experience working in the competitive, testosterone-heavy field of architecture, she’s the figurative horse’s mouth when it comes to learning about the treatment of women in the workplace.
It’s evident that there’s still a long way to go when it comes to women being given the same level of respect as men in traditionally male-dominated fields. Vivian Lim, co-founder of GEN, recounts an incident, when she and the team were poring over building plans on a construction site. One of her male counterparts insisted that she needs to stand in the shade, as “woman cannot stand under the sun”. Charu adds a story of her own - she had helped a contractor prepare a presentation and asked him to present it in front of a team without mentioning her contributions. After the presentation was over, a male executive offered to explain the presentation ‘in simple terms for the woman in the room’, referring to Charu. In this day and age, how are women still experiencing this in the workplace?
*Apart from her social impact work in The Idea Co/GEN, Vivian leads a construction firm in the built environment industry.
Interestingly, Charu suggests that women may be part of the problem. While my initial reaction is shock, I find myself inclined to agree after she explains her viewpoint. As women, we aren’t asserting ourselves enough. Centuries of conditioning have led to the development of that little voice telling us we aren’t good enough. This deep-rooted insecurity often leads us to take personally the comments that some men make thoughtlessly.
Over the course of the next hour, I learn about the three pillars of success as a woman in the workplace: boost your self-belief, develop strong skills, and always look at the big picture. While it’s nice to imagine an ideal world where women don’t have to put in extra effort to gain more respect, the reality remains that it isn’t the case. It’s infuriating, sure, but is that anger really helpful? Charu points out that we’re better off not sweating the small stuff and focusing on the end goal. After all, idealism and survival do not go hand in hand.
Every woman has an internal battle, one we must fight and win in order to face what society throws at us. A thick skin and self-belief are our armour. This goes hand in hand with growing our skills, and doing our homework, so to speak. When your knowledge is sound, it’s hard to dismiss what you say. Wisdom is the one thing, I’ve observed, that’s hard to refute.
We long for an ideal world where women aren’t discriminated against, where our opinions are valued for their own merit. While Singapore is better than a lot of countries out there, we still have a long way to go. In the meantime, however, Charu’s tips are invaluable!
